Monday, September 22, 2014

Good Reading at the Cemetery

wife1I’ve spent a bit of time walking through cemeteries.  I’ve done it with my grandkids searching for ghosts.  We carried flashlights and looked for signs that ghosts were lingering close by.

I’ve also walked through cemeteries looking for the markers of the famous people.

I’ve walked through many more cemeteries looking for evidence that my own ancestors were planted there.

Nothing is more fun than reading the inscriptions on the stones.  Some of them are absolutely hilarious.  Here are just a few.

He was young
He was fair
But the Injuns
Raised his hair

My wife died and here she lies
Nobody laughed and nobody cried
How she is and how she fares
Nobody knows and nobody cares.

Here lies my Wife
in Earthy Mold
Who when she Died
and naught but Scold
Good Friends go softly
in your walking
Lest she should Wake
and Rise up Talking

Here lies my wife:
Here let her lie!
Now she's at rest
And so am I.
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.


On John Yeast:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

1787 - Jones - 1855

Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones;
For her death held no terrors.
She was born a maid and died a maid.
No hits, no runs, and no heirs.

Beneath his silent stone is laid
A noisy, antiquated maid,
Who from her cradle talked to death,
And never before was out of breath.
Here lies, returned to clay
Miss Arabella Young,
Who on the eleventh day of May
Began to hold her tongue.

Dear Sister
Here lies the body of Mary  Ford.
We hope her soul is with the Lord.
But if for hell she's changed this life,
Better live there than as J. Ford's wife.


Grieve not for me my husband dear.
I am not dead but sleeping here.
With patience wait - perforce to die
And in a short time you'll come to I.
And the husband added:
I am not grieved, my dearest life.
Sleep on, I've got another wife.
Therefore, I cannot come to thee
For I must go and live with she.


Sacred to the memory of
My husband
John Barnes
Who died January 3, 1803.
His comely young widow, aged 23,
has many qualifications of a good wife,
and yearns to be comforted.

Here lies
my wife for 47 years,
and this is the first damn thing
she ever done to oblige me.


On an adulterous husband:

Gone, but not forgiven


Here lies the body of poor Aunt Charlotte.
Born a virgin, died a harlot.
For 16 years she kept her virginity
A damn'd long time for this vicinity.


Was hanged by mistake.

Harry Edsel Smith
Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car
was on the way down.
It was.

Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again.


'Tis life on the road.



  1. That is one nasty sounding cemetery! Can't believe some of the inscriptions on those headstones.

    1. I read a few of those when I was at the Family History Library in Salt Lake. I The little inscriptions can be found in many of the old cemeteries all over. Aren't we glad people don't have stuff like that inscriped today ... or, do they?

    2. They must else why the one about text messaging?

  2. Love it! If I were being buried I would want something that made others smile rather than grieve! Obviously they aren't all in the same cemetery - but it sure seems like a lot of husbands doing the writing. Whenever my dad came across someone with a strange name (like Assman) he would say "Oh, that'll make a great headstone!"

  3. I just love the header photo.
    HAHAHA....loved this post. Sure seems like a lot of wife This post reminds me of Boothill. We loved reading all those tombstones. Good job.

  4. We must walk in the wrong cemeteries. I have never seen headstones like these. I will have to start looking closer. Very funny.

  5. Great post. We have become real cemetery crawlers. You can feel the history and stories that went before us.

  6. love it ! I like wandering cemeteries and wondering about their lives. especially the children.

  7. Thanks for the laughs! I can't get over how funny some of those headstone inscriptions are. I guess some people should have never married in the first place. And some always had the last word... :c)

  8. Always some fun sayings in cemeteries, thanks for the chuckles

  9. Wonderful post Jer. We did that in Montreal. Some funny ones and I have pictures, but I too and so busy.


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